Matthew Scott Vidler

THANK YOU FOR VISITING THIS WEBSITE TO OUR PRECIOUS SON MATTHEW. YOUR MESSAGES OF UNDERSTANDING &
SUPPORT ARE GREATLY APPRECIATED. IN PARTICULAR, I HAVE FOUND THE SUPPORT OF FELLOW BEREAVED PARENTS
SO IMPORTANT, AND TCF UK, A CHARITABLE SUPPORT GROUP FOR BEREAVED PARENTS (REGARDLESS OF THE AGE OF
THE CHILD) HAS BEEN INVALUABLE IN HELPING US COPE WITH OUR LOSS. IF YOU FEEL YOU WOULD BENEFIT FROM
THIS GROUP -THE COMPASSIONATE FRIENDS UK-HAVE A LOOK AT THEIR WEBSITE, OR CALL THEIR HELPLINE FOR
DETAILS OF YOUR LOCAL GROUP CONTACT. Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ
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OUR STORY....
We found out we were pregnant at the beginning of January 2003 - a much longed for 1st child. I had
a dream pregnancy and went into labour naturally 9 days early on the 9th September 2003. Our son
Matthew was born an hour after arriving at the hospital at 10.39pm weighing 7lb 13oz, and we were so
elated - making all the usual phonecalls to grandparents, taking photos etc.

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A few hours later just as we were being moved up to the post labour ward, one of the midwifes
noticed that Matthew was a bit "dusky" and tried to give him some oxygen. It seemed to work until
every time they took the oxygen away, he would lose his colour again. The staff decided to move him
to special care for more oxygen and his dad went with him. After a few minutes they returned and
said there was a problem - Matthew had been put in an incubator and a chest x-ray had revealed a
problem with a heart valve (basically while he was inside me, he didnt use his lungs, but as he
started to breathe on his own the bypass valve started to close and the valve that should have
kicked in wasnt there or was damaged!)

Anyway, after several hours of sitting on bar stools in special care we were told in the early hours
of the morning that he required surgery and had to be transferred to the Royal Hospital for sick
children at Yorkhill in Glasgow.

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There was no room in the neonatal ambulance so we had to go ahead by car, and waited for hours and
hours with no news - no one seemed to know what was happening! Finally, we heard sirens and just
knew that he had arrived - it turned out he had stopped breathing on the way and they had had to go
back...

They had to stabilise him but finally we were able to see him in the special care unit at the Queen
mums. He stayed there for 6 days while he waited for his operation and we were able to stay on the
ward 24/7 and were able to help with his cares, washing, changing nappies etc though he was being
fed by a tube. Being able to just walk down the corridor at 2am to check on him was such a
blessing.

On day 6 he had his operation, and despite several hairy moments - including a further op on day 8
to remove a blood clot - he was finally well enough to move up to a ward, to breathe and feed for
himself and then after 6 weeks come home. We were ecstatic - our baby boy finally home!

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Matthew did well, and though like many other heart patient babies he struggled to put weight on, he
was never a sickly child, he loved playing trains with his dad, attended a normal nursery and lit up
our life.

We always knew there would be further surgery, and were put on the waiting list. In April 2005, we
got the phonecall! I was 34 weeks pregnant with our 2nd child and was told to pack for a fortnight
- just in case! We went into hospital on the 19th April and the operation took place on the 21st
April 2005. I will always remember that as the last day I had MY Matthew, the last day he spoke to
me, the last day he smiled...

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At first it appeared the surgery had been a success. The surgeons were pleased and thought that he
wouldnt need anything else for many more years. However, in ITU they were having trouble
stabilising him with his blood pressure, heart rate and temp all over the place. At almost midnight
we were finally told he was more stable and to go over the parent accomodation, Ronald McDonald
house, for some sleep.

At 1.40am the phone rang! ITU said to go straight over. A 2 minute walk later and they said they
were struggling...Matthew would have to go on an ECMO heart bypass machine to give him a complete
rest and then after a few days they would start to withdraw it. Its a huge task to put someone on
ECMO, it takes a surgical team, and the patient has to be paralysed and raised above the machine to
let gravity do the work - there are very few of these machines in the country and they need 2
specially trained nurses to operate them at any one time.

Anyway, i've digressed again, we waited in the small blue family room until they finally reappeared.
Matthew had suffered cardiac arrest while they were moving him and had to be resusitated for 20
minutes but he was finally put up on what I would call the "princess and the pea" bed on his ECMO
machine and the only way you could see him was to stand on a stool - not easy at 34 weeks pregnant!

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We had so many disasters over the next couple of weeks - the pump on the ECMO machine broke and had
to be hand cranked, Matthew had infections and fluid buildups in his chest causing huge pressures on
his heart etc etc. Finally they started to withdraw the drugs and machines, but after several days
he still had not regained consiousness and they decided there was a problem - an MRI revealed
"severely depressed" brain function. Words cannot describe our heartbreak & devastation.

As my due date came & went we continued to live at Ronald McDonald house and spend all day every day
in ITU with Matthew. The nurses daily cries of "Are you still here?" were met with "Well, i dont
mind cos its so much easier while I am still pregnant!" Eventually, I was induced and our daughter
Abbie was born at 5.13am on 15th June at the Queen mums, about 200 yards from her brother, weighing
9lb!

Having had to go home once before without a baby, I refused to do it again. As soon as we were
discharged from the Queens mums we moved out of Ronald McDonald House and went home, 8 weeks after
we left it, and continued to visit Matthew in Glasgow almost every day from our home in West
Lothian.

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Matthews condition continued to be unstable and he remained on the ventilatior - with the occasional
trial off - for several months. The nurses were great - they would take him out of bed and into his
car seat which he appeared to enjoy, they would leave his clothes so I could dress him when I came
in, they would take his baby sister with them on their breaks so I could have time alone to read
Matthew a story in peace etc But every time he came off the ventilator our hopes were raised , only
to be dashed again a few hours later.

Finally, Matthew was moved from ITU to HDU, and after a few days without his ventillator was moved
up to a neurological ward where he spent his 2nd birthday. Breathing on his own with only oxygen
for assistance was such progress, but his condition was never stable and his responses to stimuli
minimal. However, it allowed me to have precious pictures of my two babies together.

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On 24th October 2005, I visited like any other day - we played with Abbie, had stories, sang songs
etc but his colour was never good and was remarked upon by myself & staff alike. Now, normally I
would try and leave at 3.30pm or get stuck on the M8 for 2 hours - not fun with a new baby - but on
this day for some reason I just had to stay - Matthews colour wasnt great & he had just had his
medication so I wanted to wait until after the rush hour to see if the medication worked.

At 4pm his heartrate suddenly dropped - but the staff reassured me it was the medication kicking in.
Suddenly, something was wrong. We were rushed into a side recuss room. ITU was called. His dad
was called - and given a police escort from work to the hospital. The staff worked so incredibly
hard to keep Matthew going until his dad arrived so he could say Goodbye - which they did and for
which we shall be eternally grateful. But Matthew had to go and he died peacefully in our arms at
6.10pm.

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Our beautiful, longed for, first born son taken to heaven - our only comfort that his pain and
suffering finally over - but we miss you so much Matthew and wish it didnt have to be..

Matthews baby sister was just over 4 months when he died, and now Matthew also has a brother Callum
born 5th November 2006 at 3.30pm weighing 10lb 14.5oz, and new baby brother Lewis born 4th April
2009 at 3.41am, weighing 9lb 30z!

Its amazing how many people seem to think "Oh they've got another boy now, they will be fine". But
as any parent of an angel knows - it just doesnt work like that! Our hearts are broken forever and
though held together with sticky tape, they will never be complete again.

A Cluster of golden memories,
sprayed with a million tears,
wishing God had spared you
for just a few more years.

To your resting place we visit,
place our flowers there with care,
But no-one knows our heartache
as we turn and leave you there...

Sleep tight our darling boy - now a shining star - we miss you every day! With all our love always
Mummy, Daddy, Abbie, Callum, Uncle DJ, Granny & Granpa, Granny Grandad & all the rest of the family
inc Auntie Gillian, Tom & your best pal Caitlyn. xxxx

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PS Darling Matthew - Look after baby Thomas for Auntie Gillian - though Im sure you are already - I
can just see you both playing trains together and running round heaven causing havoc....

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